Self-Forgiveness Should Be Unconditional

Something I see often among clients is a lack of unconditional self-forgiveness.  If someone was lied to, there is usually some obligatory amount of time to be upset, followed by forgiveness to the one who lied.  The same goes if someone gives us bad advice, or says something mean, or makes a mess, whatever the case may be there tends to be forgiveness and moving on with time.  Most of the world seems to understand this as standard.

However, when it comes to ourselves, all bets are off.  Holding grudges against ourselves seems to be no problem.  We didn’t take the other job, we ate too much cake last night, we didn’t accomplish enough last year, we stayed in the last relationship too long, we didn’t enjoy our weekend enough, and so on.  One thing I often find is that the level of upset with ourselves seems to correlate with what we imagined to be the perceived benefit had we made the other decision.  Sure we took job A over job B, but now that 2% of the people at job B got raises we need to be even more mad at ourselves.  Never mind that we had several reasons to choose job A, which are all forgotten as we look at the supposedly greener grass across the way.

Self-forgiveness should be unconditional.  We already know that it does no good to hold a grudge on others, consider not holding one on yourself either.  

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