Recognize the Downward Sprial

Sometimes, things happen which really take over our thoughts. This can be something like a speeding ticket, it can be news that you might have an illness, or it can be something like a relationship ending before you are ready. Things like these have the tendency to put you in a place where one thought leads to another, assumption after assumption, until suddenly you are convinced that death is imminent. The ticket leads to you not being a good driver, which means you can’t have children in your car, which means you aren’t fit to be a parent, which means you probably shouldn’t get married, which means you should end your relationship. We have all been here at one time or another.

First it is important to recognize that you are here. This doesn’t mean you need to decide what is wrong with you that you got here, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong at all. It is just an observation that you are here. Second, it is important not to act on these assumptions. When your spouse says "we have to talk tonight" and you are already calling movers, this is not healthy. Make sure actions are based on facts, i.e. things you know to be true, not based on things which resulted from these assumptions.

Third, this is a sign that something is incomplete. This means that at some point you are going to have to do a completion exercise to move past it. Maybe you aren’t ready yet, if you are told that you have a serious illness then you probably aren’t ready to be over it in 10 minutes. But somewhere down the line, you will need to address how you feel about this, and what you are willing to do so the thought of it does not bring so much energy. This is something to think about down the road when you are ready and willing to be complete, not right now.

Recognize the downward spiral. We have all been there at one time or another, the only thing it means is that you are normal.

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